Dear Baby,

You are a boy!!!!! Your dad and Stela came with me to the ultrasound. As the doctor moved the ultrasound wand over my belly suddenly it came clearly on the screen and your dad exclaimed, "It's a boy?!" It was pretty obvious and the doctor smiled and confirmed that you are a boy. Two boys and two girls. How lucky are we? When I picked up Max and Maggie from the baby-sitter I told them that the doctor said that everything was good with you and you looked very healthy (which you do and which is the most exciting thing about all of this). Max and Maggie listened and nodded. About a minute later Max asked if the doctor mentioned if you were a girl or a boy. I told him that the doctor said you were a boy and he smiled as big as could be and said, "I knew it!". I hope that the two of you are the best brothers ever. In fact, I insist on it. And I think it is fun that Stela will have you the way Maggie has Max. I grew up mostly with my sisters because my brothers are so much older than me. And I love my sisters! Maybe because it is foreign to me it has been really fun to watch how close Max and Maggie are and the way they play together and sometimes come together on the extreme "boy things" and "girl things". I hope that you and Stela can have a similar friendship. Your brother and sisters are the best and you are so lucky to have them. And they will be lucky to have you.

Dear baby, as much as I feel happy that you are a boy and I got two of each, so everyone has a brother and a sister, the biggest thing I feel is peace. It just feels right. Like this is the family that we were meant to have. You will complete us. And we will love you so much! We already do.

Love,
Mama

Dear Baby,

Tomorrow I find out if you are a boy or a girl. I can't believe I am already 20 weeks pregnant with you. Over half-way to meeting you. I thought before I find out more about you I would take a moment to record your beginnings. I feel bad that I haven't written anything to you yet. I stay pretty busy with your three siblings and time to sit and write is hard to come by. But although I don't get to write much, I think about you a lot. And I already love you. Here is your story so far.

I was pretty sure I wanted a fourth baby. Actually, I would love to have a dozen more babies. I love being a mom. And I love the process of expecting a baby and meeting them for the first time and watching them grow. But logistically a dozen more babies isn't an option. I got a late start in the baby department so I have had limited time. And I have felt like I had to rush to get you all here. The older I get the more I worry about having babies. So with you I was torn between waiting a bit until Stela was older or maybe just being grateful for the three I had. I definitely wasn't ready to give up on a fourth, but I didn't feel ready to have another baby yet either, So I decided I would wait until Stela was a year and then think about it some more. I thought if I had one more I would like to have a summer baby and sneak it in just before I turned 40. So imagine my surprise when you showed up in March. Or actually February. I was in disbelief. And I waited several days before I got the courage up to take a pregnancy test. It was a lovely vision of four kids on a Christmas morning that got my excitement of the possibility up enough to take the test. You showed positive right away. I waited a few days before I told your dad. I bought a picture frame with space for 4 photos and put a picture of each of your siblings in it and left a spot blank for you. I gave it to your dad with a card that said, "You're a great dad. And I am a pretty good mom. Talk about four lucky kids." He was confused and it took him a while to process what I was telling him. I watched his face change as the recognition of the message came to him. At first he was stunned and in total disbelief. But with a little more time to warm up to it he became happy and excited. We are so excited to have you in our family!!! You have three awesome siblings and I think you are going to like being a part of them. I adore them and I know that I am going to adore you too.

You will be my last. It makes me sad to say it but I really think that I should be done having babies. I am so glad I got you! I'm glad you just made your way in without me and took away me having to stress about if I should go for it or not. Once I found out you were coming I was so happy to have you already on your way. I can feel you moving inside of me. It is such an awesome feeling. And I wonder so much about who you are. With your sister Stela I didn't find out if she was a boy or a girl until she was born. I loved that moment of finding out! But I didn't enjoy the pregnancy as much not knowing. With you I wasn't sure what to do. All of my pregnancy with Stela I was aware that I wasn't enjoying not knowing if she was a boy or a girl because I couldn't visualize her and plan. But then the moment of finding out was so great that I thought maybe it made it worth it. So with you I have been on the fence. But in the end I have decided that if you are going to be my last pregnancy I want to really enjoy it. And I think I will enjoy it most if I can visualize who you are and plan for you. So tomorrow I will find out. I really don't have any strong feelings either way. And I have pretty much been wrong in my weak guesses each time. I honestly can't think if which I would prefer more. I would love a boy to even the score, two boys and two girls. And it would also tie up the boy/girl grandkid ratio. I would love for Max to have a brother and for Maggie and Stela to have two. And I learned from having Max that I love raising a boy. But I also love the idea of sisters. I was blessed with 5 and so I think the more the better. And I adore Maggie and Stela and would love another girl in our family. So really, if I could choose I would choose one more of each. But we know that is not the case and lucky for me the choice of your gender is out of my control because I couldn't decide what I would want better anyway. I know from my last three babies that whatever you are I will mourn the loss of what you are not. It's normal. But then at the same time I will be so excited for whatever you are. And I know that whatever you are, you are perfect for our family. You are just what we need to complete us. We will love you like crazy! We already do.

Love,
Mama