Dear Theodore,
Yesterday was your blessing day. It was such a beautiful day! I got teary each time I would think about what we were celebrating that day. You. Beautiful, wonderful you. My parents and aunt Gwenna came out on Saturday and stayed with us. Its always nice to have them in our home. And grandpa took us all to dinner. Chuckarama of course. Gwenna and I stayed up late talking and working on your sweater. I didn't get it done. If you look closely at your pictures some day you will notice that the sleaves are short and not finished. But you looked adorable in it. And I didn't get a gown sewn for you either, which I felt really bad about yesterday, but today I just keep thinking about you and that sweater and I feel at peace. You wore an adorable blue romper that I think was a hand me down from somewhere. And I wrapped you in a blue blanket that I knit for you. I swaddled you and rocked you to sleep right before I handed you to your daddy for the blessing. You slept right through the whole thing, and woke up just as it was ending. You were so quiet and it was peaceful. The blessing was beautiful. I felt like I should write it down and I took notes as best I could while also trying to pacify your little big sister Stela who was sleep deprived and struggling to hold things together after the late night of partying with family the night before. I didn't get it all down, and I don't remember the details, but here is what I held on to:
After the blessing I bore my testimony. As I said, all morning I had gotten teary whenever I stopped to really think about the day. I just felt so blessed. I don't often have quiet moments to rock you but that morning I did. And as I rocked you we said a prayer together that the day would be good, that daddy would be calm and confident and be able to bless you with the what The Spirit directed him to say. And I prayed, as silly as it is, that if your name wasn't supposed to be Theodore for some reason that God would let daddy know and he would give you another name. And I thanked God for you and my family and the gospel. And I cried because as I rocked you and prayed all those things I felt so lucky and blessed. So when I bore my testimony as talked about how some of my biggest blessings were all being highlighted that day. I have my wonderful family of origin. My parents who raised me in love and sacrificed so much to give me all they could. My siblings (and their families) who are so awesome and supportive. My parents and my siblings, they always show up. I love that. And I have my own little family that I thought I might never have. Me and your dad have been married for 6 years and we have 4 kids. Sometimes I can't figure out how it all happened so fast, but I am so grateful that it did. I was single for so long and I didn't know if I would ever have kids, which broke my hear. And now I have four! I love each of you so much and I am so grateful I have you. And I have the gospel of Jesus Christ and I am part of an amazing church. To be honest, I struggle with some parts of the church. But I am so grateful I have it. It is central to my life and has blessed me in so many ways. And I am so grateful I have it as a guide and a support to help me raise you. When I think about the responsibility raising children is it can be overwhelming. But the church really helps. And they have the primary program which is wonderful. I am a teacher in primary right now and it has really made me appreciate the program. It is a sacrifice for the presidency and the teachers and the pianist and chorister to plan lessons and and organize everything. But they do it. I'm grateful I belong to a church that values children so much that they created a program specifically for them. One of my favorite parts about being in primary is that I get to watch Max and Maggie in there and I love it! I would love if I get to watch you in there when you are old enough for Primary. And then in my testimony I talked about a blessing that your aunt Darsha had. I'm not really sure why I talked about it, but it came to me and I did. You had an amazing aunt Joydell who died a few years ago. It breaks my heart that I didn't get to see the two of you together on this Earth. I imagine sometimes how she would have gushed over how adorable you are and laughed with me as I talk about you. I can't believe she is gone and I miss her so much. And sometimes I think when the family is all together that she is there too. And maybe that is why I thought about that blessing. Darsha received the blessing a few months before Aunt JuJu passed away. She was having a hard time with it as we all were. And in addition uncle Harold was doing some risky flying assignments with the Army and cousin Logan was having health problems. The blessing said that Harold flew with angels. And that people on the other side were aware of what we were going through and that they were busy getting things ready to welcome Joydell home. I wish I knew more about the other side. I wonder what exactly they needed to get ready. What does it look like to welcome someone home to Heaven? I believe in life after death and that I will see Joydell and other loved ones again. But sometimes it all feels kind of vague. The thought that they were busy getting things ready for her is so intriguing and comforting to me. And the thought of Harold flying with angels makes the veil seem so thin. And it intrigues me and comforts me to think that spirits on the other side are invested in our well being. If they are flying with Harold then I imagine they are also walking with me through my daily life. And hopefully they are helping me to be a good mom for you. I was so sad to say goodbye to Joydell. I really wanted her to stay here. It hurts to miss her and I wish I could see her. I like thinking about her still being with me, even though I can't see her. I believe that our loved ones that pass away become our guardian angels. And I just can't imagine anyone having a better guardian angel than Joydell. I feel so lucky to be someone that she would want to watch over. And I know that she is now watching over you too. You are so lucky! And I like to think that the two of you met and talked before you came down, but I don't really know how things work over there so I don't know if that really happened or not. But I do know that I will be able to be with both of you together someday and I love that thought!
After church everyone came back to our house for dinner. I'm glad we have a house where we can host everyone for dinner. We couldn't do that for Max and Maggie and Stella in our condo so we always had to go somewhere else. Our house isn't so big but it is big enough. And I love a house that is crowded with friends and family. The weather has been so beautiful and as I was getting ready for your blessing I kept looking at the weather forecast and it showed sunshine for every day but your blessing day. That day is showed a rain cloud. With a chance of snow. "Of all the days!" I kept saying. And it did rain. The wind blew like crazy that morning. And it rained and rained. And then after church the rain stopped, the wind calmed and the sun came out! It only lasted a couple of hours but it was the most perfect timing! The kids were able to run and play outside and some people ate on the deck and it made my heart so happy to be able to use our outside space. And then the clouds came back and it rained and it hailed and it snowed. But we had those two hours of outside time and sunshine and I was so grateful.
Your blessing day was a beautiful day. I love how a baby brings family together. I love how my family comes together. I love that I have you and that I had a day to help me remember how incredibly wonderful and amazing that is. I love you kid. You get sweeter every day and I am so attached to you that my heart wants to burst every time I see your face. "He's so cute!" I say a million times a day. "I love him!" always follows. I'm still getting used to having you around. I am used to having 3 kids and sometimes I see you and it is almost like I am seeing you for the first time and I have a moment of shock that I have 4 kids now and my heart almost bursts with joy and gratitude that I get to have you too in addition to the other 3 I love so much. I am one lucky mama!
I love you Teddy bear! Thanks for being mine.
Love,
Mama
Yesterday was your blessing day. It was such a beautiful day! I got teary each time I would think about what we were celebrating that day. You. Beautiful, wonderful you. My parents and aunt Gwenna came out on Saturday and stayed with us. Its always nice to have them in our home. And grandpa took us all to dinner. Chuckarama of course. Gwenna and I stayed up late talking and working on your sweater. I didn't get it done. If you look closely at your pictures some day you will notice that the sleaves are short and not finished. But you looked adorable in it. And I didn't get a gown sewn for you either, which I felt really bad about yesterday, but today I just keep thinking about you and that sweater and I feel at peace. You wore an adorable blue romper that I think was a hand me down from somewhere. And I wrapped you in a blue blanket that I knit for you. I swaddled you and rocked you to sleep right before I handed you to your daddy for the blessing. You slept right through the whole thing, and woke up just as it was ending. You were so quiet and it was peaceful. The blessing was beautiful. I felt like I should write it down and I took notes as best I could while also trying to pacify your little big sister Stela who was sleep deprived and struggling to hold things together after the late night of partying with family the night before. I didn't get it all down, and I don't remember the details, but here is what I held on to:
After the blessing I bore my testimony. As I said, all morning I had gotten teary whenever I stopped to really think about the day. I just felt so blessed. I don't often have quiet moments to rock you but that morning I did. And as I rocked you we said a prayer together that the day would be good, that daddy would be calm and confident and be able to bless you with the what The Spirit directed him to say. And I prayed, as silly as it is, that if your name wasn't supposed to be Theodore for some reason that God would let daddy know and he would give you another name. And I thanked God for you and my family and the gospel. And I cried because as I rocked you and prayed all those things I felt so lucky and blessed. So when I bore my testimony as talked about how some of my biggest blessings were all being highlighted that day. I have my wonderful family of origin. My parents who raised me in love and sacrificed so much to give me all they could. My siblings (and their families) who are so awesome and supportive. My parents and my siblings, they always show up. I love that. And I have my own little family that I thought I might never have. Me and your dad have been married for 6 years and we have 4 kids. Sometimes I can't figure out how it all happened so fast, but I am so grateful that it did. I was single for so long and I didn't know if I would ever have kids, which broke my hear. And now I have four! I love each of you so much and I am so grateful I have you. And I have the gospel of Jesus Christ and I am part of an amazing church. To be honest, I struggle with some parts of the church. But I am so grateful I have it. It is central to my life and has blessed me in so many ways. And I am so grateful I have it as a guide and a support to help me raise you. When I think about the responsibility raising children is it can be overwhelming. But the church really helps. And they have the primary program which is wonderful. I am a teacher in primary right now and it has really made me appreciate the program. It is a sacrifice for the presidency and the teachers and the pianist and chorister to plan lessons and and organize everything. But they do it. I'm grateful I belong to a church that values children so much that they created a program specifically for them. One of my favorite parts about being in primary is that I get to watch Max and Maggie in there and I love it! I would love if I get to watch you in there when you are old enough for Primary. And then in my testimony I talked about a blessing that your aunt Darsha had. I'm not really sure why I talked about it, but it came to me and I did. You had an amazing aunt Joydell who died a few years ago. It breaks my heart that I didn't get to see the two of you together on this Earth. I imagine sometimes how she would have gushed over how adorable you are and laughed with me as I talk about you. I can't believe she is gone and I miss her so much. And sometimes I think when the family is all together that she is there too. And maybe that is why I thought about that blessing. Darsha received the blessing a few months before Aunt JuJu passed away. She was having a hard time with it as we all were. And in addition uncle Harold was doing some risky flying assignments with the Army and cousin Logan was having health problems. The blessing said that Harold flew with angels. And that people on the other side were aware of what we were going through and that they were busy getting things ready to welcome Joydell home. I wish I knew more about the other side. I wonder what exactly they needed to get ready. What does it look like to welcome someone home to Heaven? I believe in life after death and that I will see Joydell and other loved ones again. But sometimes it all feels kind of vague. The thought that they were busy getting things ready for her is so intriguing and comforting to me. And the thought of Harold flying with angels makes the veil seem so thin. And it intrigues me and comforts me to think that spirits on the other side are invested in our well being. If they are flying with Harold then I imagine they are also walking with me through my daily life. And hopefully they are helping me to be a good mom for you. I was so sad to say goodbye to Joydell. I really wanted her to stay here. It hurts to miss her and I wish I could see her. I like thinking about her still being with me, even though I can't see her. I believe that our loved ones that pass away become our guardian angels. And I just can't imagine anyone having a better guardian angel than Joydell. I feel so lucky to be someone that she would want to watch over. And I know that she is now watching over you too. You are so lucky! And I like to think that the two of you met and talked before you came down, but I don't really know how things work over there so I don't know if that really happened or not. But I do know that I will be able to be with both of you together someday and I love that thought!
After church everyone came back to our house for dinner. I'm glad we have a house where we can host everyone for dinner. We couldn't do that for Max and Maggie and Stella in our condo so we always had to go somewhere else. Our house isn't so big but it is big enough. And I love a house that is crowded with friends and family. The weather has been so beautiful and as I was getting ready for your blessing I kept looking at the weather forecast and it showed sunshine for every day but your blessing day. That day is showed a rain cloud. With a chance of snow. "Of all the days!" I kept saying. And it did rain. The wind blew like crazy that morning. And it rained and rained. And then after church the rain stopped, the wind calmed and the sun came out! It only lasted a couple of hours but it was the most perfect timing! The kids were able to run and play outside and some people ate on the deck and it made my heart so happy to be able to use our outside space. And then the clouds came back and it rained and it hailed and it snowed. But we had those two hours of outside time and sunshine and I was so grateful.
Your blessing day was a beautiful day. I love how a baby brings family together. I love how my family comes together. I love that I have you and that I had a day to help me remember how incredibly wonderful and amazing that is. I love you kid. You get sweeter every day and I am so attached to you that my heart wants to burst every time I see your face. "He's so cute!" I say a million times a day. "I love him!" always follows. I'm still getting used to having you around. I am used to having 3 kids and sometimes I see you and it is almost like I am seeing you for the first time and I have a moment of shock that I have 4 kids now and my heart almost bursts with joy and gratitude that I get to have you too in addition to the other 3 I love so much. I am one lucky mama!
I love you Teddy bear! Thanks for being mine.
Love,
Mama
